Star Wars, X Wings, and the Mexican War

I'll eventually piece together my thoughts about Nietzsche, crises of faith, shellshock, and the utter mess Lucas made of Anakin's turn to the Dark Side -- but in the meantime, I found this thing quite humorous.

Apparently Dr. Stewart gave out a fake history syllabus one year. In which one of the essay questions was as follows:

Were the motives which drove Luke Skywalker to reject the dark side and those which impelled the United States into the War with Mexico fundamentally similar or dis-similar?

Anna and Phillip decided to answer it. See the full (and somewhat less coherent) entry here. I've edited this one slightly for grammar.

So that you don’t have to read the paper, we’ll give you our thesis up front: X-wings are cool. This was the driving motivation for both the war and Luke. So, yes, their motivations were identical, and that means that they were similar.

Luke rejected the dark side of the force because he recognized the inherent coolness of X-wings. X-wings were central to family life. Everyone in the New Republic would gather round the X-wing for family vacations and to start the barbecue. Lasers are good at starting fires. Yay! Fire! The prominent role of X-wings at barbecues led to their becoming a symbol of the local communities that used them to start fires. Yay! Fire! To keep the spirit of community-mindedness alive and well, Luke rejected the dark side of the force, because no dark jedi can fly X-wings. The coolness of the X-wing propeled him to the height of stardom, which allowed him to create a new galactic order conducive to the re-establishment of communities. Besides, the Emperor was creepy (see "secondary motivations").

The United States fought with Mexico primarily to get its hands on California. Texas was a diversion. Santa Anna knew the swankiest movie-making community would be established there, and so did Polk (though we don’t know why). Santa Anna wanted the money from the movies, and his actions would have led to Star Wars being produced in Spanish. Polk wanted Star Wars to be in English. Who ever heard of "Guerras De la Estrella"? This fear led the US to conquer California because X-wings are still cool, even 130 years before Star Wars was created. Besides, can you see George Lucas speaking Spanish? I don’t think so. An even scarier thought: Jar-Jar Binks in a Sombrero. Clearly, something needed to happen. And the US government with its usual stunning efficiency decided to save the world, and pretend that someone cared about Texas.

The secondary motivation that both Luke and the US had was that their nemeses were annoying and creepy. Mexico was annoying; Vader chopping off Luke’s hand was annoying. Santa Anna was creepy; The Emperor’s make-up job was creepy.

The moral: Muppets always beat the grim reaper. Yoda was clearly more entertaining than Vader or the Emperor. Backward’s speaking is much funnier than lightning coming out of your finger-tips, as cool as that is.

Watching "Guerras De la Estrella" might be cool, but an "Ala X" would never be as cool as an X-wing.

In conclusion, we are still in amazement at the coolness of X-wings; An X-wing in Spanish would not be able to compare. Also, Yoda is still cute, California is itself, and we are still laughing over it. Mexico loses, Luke wins. ‘nough said.

Sources cited:
A few random websites; all Spanish translations courtesy of Babelfish.

Wizard People, Dear Reader

A couple of us watched Wizard People, Dear Reader last night. It's either a hilarious stroke of absolute genius, or the most juvenile kind of stupidity imaginable. Probably both of them at once.

For anyone who doesn't know, Wizard People a basically new "soundtrack" for Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone, created by comic-book artist Brad Neely. It's an improv-like narration (and analysis) of the events that are happening in the movie, designed to be played along with the film. The plot is pretty much the same. But the characterization is screwed up beyond hope of redemption.

And it's hilarious. Because along with just the plain stupid things, there are definite lines of consistent, dead-on satire. Especially the characterization of Harry as a demi-god. If Rowling ever needed to be taken down a notch, the utter aptness this characterization does it perfectly.

There are stretches of the 2.5 hours that drag at times, and there are definitely some scenes that could have had far better narration attached to them. But Neely manages to keep you listening. His voice is a brilliant half-drunk monotone (he's ripping off some poet's voice somewhere, apparently). The metaphors he uses to describe characters and settings are insane. And -- again -- his psychological analysis of Harry Potter rocks my socks off.

It pretty much has to speak for itself. Listen to a clip of it here.

Read some more of the lines in this review.

Or download the whole thing here

My personal nine favorite things in no particular order...
1. The metaphors. The insanely random metaphors. "She glares at them, and her voice is cold. Like a piano made of frozen Windex."

2. The lengthy daydreams Harry has as he flies his broomstick. They have nothing at all to do with the scene. But they are hilarious. One centers around an aged wedding cake, and the other involves the discovery of North America and a beautiful giant Indian warrior woman.

3. Harry Potter. A destined child-wizard of uber-god-like powers, isolated by his superiority, coming to terms with his identity and mortality. Hence insanely melodramatic inner monolouges. Plus getting drunk a lot.

4. All the other insanely melodramatic descriptions and monologues.

5. The sound effects. "Blaam! Blam. Blaaam! The door bursts open!" "Woosh! Kawoosh!"

6. The "Gateway to Heaven." Step aside, Mirror of Erised. Neely's psuedo-philosophical conundrums, involving something about Harry's initiation into manhood and the courage to face the hot-blooded nothingness of mortality, are well worth the price of admission.

7. The really fast movement of the three-headed dog.

8. The origin of the sorting hat. And of Hagrid's dragon.

9. Snape.

I hate the fact that I can't give it a wholehearted recommendation to everyone I know. Neely keeps it cleaner than I expected -- but my expectations were pretty low. The f-word is thrown around all the time, with increasing frequency and intensity as the movie progresses. Spoken, shouted, you name it. As is "shit," though less often. There's far less scatological 'humor' than I expected, but still way too much. Plus there's the whole Quidditch subtext. So watch with care.

Limbo-Student Fun

So, in these five or so days between the end of finals and the start of summer school (or vacation or camp or graduation), we limbo students have discovered that, yes, there are actually plenty of fun and interesting things to do up here in the middle of nowhere. Sort of fun and interesting, at least.

• take crazy grocery shopping trips to Kroger's. Grocery shopping is quite fun if you're really tired.* I think the cashier thought we were inebriated.
  
  
• go to all the dinners that upperclassmen host for the stuck students
  
  
• talk about books and poetry and words and TS Eliot and Augustine and Dr. S, trying to avoid saying "cool" and "awesome." You fail utterly if you're really tired.*
  
  
• take long walks in the woods around the lake in the middle of thunderstorms
  
  
• run around campus in the middle of REALLY BAD thunderstorms
  
  
• thunderstorms, period. Watching, talking about, playing in, etc.
  
  
• get semi-lost in the woods around the lake, stumble out into civilization, and claim the newly discovered land for Dr. Birzer and Western Civilization. While reciting randomly remembered snatches of The Ballad of the White Horse. (It sort of helps if you're really tired for this, too).*
  
  
• sneak lots of food from the cafeteria
  
  
• sneak into the arboretum at night, even if it's raining
  
  
• dry off, spend 30 minutes trying to get the DVD player to work, succeed, then decide to watch a VHS tape anyway

*Pretty much anything on this list works better if you're really tired. It's like the underage form of getting drunk or something.

Faust Expert???

The Big English Final Exam Question that I have to answer tomorrow. Quite humorous, sort of. If I didn't have just 12 hours to come up with an answer to it.

The Vicissitudes of Faustianism: A Primer

By now, in your study, you must recognize something of a "Faustian" tradition. A few months ago, one might assume you had understandly only the foggiest notion. But now, ah but now, all of you are Faust specialists!

Like the original story of the Fall from the Garden of Eden, that old felix culpa story, or patient Job, or prideful Oedipus, that enormous effusion of tragic agony, the Faust legend constitutes one of Western culture's seminal and most frequently elaborated themes.

As specialists, then, write an in-class final exam essay that serves to introduce the novice, the non-Faust specialist, to this legendary character, this heroic sinner, this tragic figure. Note that the question has little interest in a mere gloss of his character; rather the question asks you to delve into the formidable questions the character and the tradition represent.

Have fun, stay up late, grow tired, but look out for your adversary who walketh about, seeking whom he may devour....

This was a pretty strange freshman English class. Probably the only normal thing we read was Hamlet. Then it was Pico, Martin Luther, Nietze, and Gide all the way. And I guess Marlowe's Faustus and Goethe's Faust are pretty normal too. But not both of them, plus Thomas Mann's Dr. Faust, in the space of a sememster. (I love Mann's Faust, though -- incredible music and philosophy and a whole lot more in that thing.)

CS Lewis, Phillip Pullman, and One Really Fun Year Ahead of Us

Narnia
So...The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe movie is coming out this December.

Here’s hoping this studio manages to pull it off. I grew up on the old BBC/Wonderworks series – and while those movies aren’t too great in terms of cinematography, they actually do a very good job hitting the tone of the story. Something I’m a bit leery about Disney doing. So I’m looking forward to December with a bit of hopeful pessimism.

The trailer looks pretty cool, though -- hope the acting is as good as the music and the New Zealand landscape.

However! The truly fun thing is that, a year or so later, Phillip Pullman's trilogy is going to hit the American mainstream. (If you want an even more detailed summary of the plot and characters of themes, look here.

Anti-Narnia!
I mean, how cool is that? Lewis and anti-Lewis, Narnia and anti-Narnia, coming out within a year of one another. And both really great series of books. I personally can’t wait. Forget the hullabaloo about Harry Potter. This is going to be one hell of a ride.

First, some more background:
-- A very good interview here, with questions to Pullman about his religious views and intent in writing the books.
-- And another very long interview.
-- Here's Pullman's article entitled"The Dark Side of Narnia."
-- A look at the books by Catholic Cutlure.
-- Check out some REAL hyperbole here: "The most dangerous author in Britain"!

And DO NOT neglect to read Jeffery Overstreet's take on the upcoming movies. Probably one of the more reasoned and rational piece around.

"Christians are undoubtedly going to be upset about the films. But how should we respond to such a problem? Should we start picketing? Should churches host book-burnings in their parking lots? Should we start making videos criticizing Phillip Pullman? Should we read the book to our children, explaining the problems with the author's worldview? How will you prepare your family for the imminent wave of Golden Compass-mania?"

And me? I'm just going to enjoy the show.

Maybe it’s just that I’ve got a morbid sense of humor. I’m really looking forward to Hillary Clinton to running in 2008. Even though I hope she loses horribly. I wanted the electoral votes to tie in the last election, so that the thing could get thrown into the house and senate. (How often in your lifetime is that even a possibility?). It would be a mess. It would be a VERY bad mess. But it would be COOL!!

And I’m looking forward to people running around like chickens with their heads cut off over the Pullman movie.

The Pullman Movies
There’s no official Pullman movie site, yet, but these are pretty good hubs of information.
-- His Dark Materials.org
-- Bridge to the Stars.net

And some stuff about the upcoming movie's religious tone, and expected reaction:
--This article -- "God cut from Dark Materials film" -- is very good. And has the understatement of the year --"there may be some modification of terms."
--And this one at His Dark Materials.org -- "I won't care if God snuffs it. But the church will."
--The "Spiritual or Literal" musing here also has some good stuff.

And, finally, for a bit of comic relief, check out The Pantalaimon Perplex by Ceres Wunderkind. With great stuff like this:

H: Whoa! Demon? We don't do Satan pictures. Not after Lost Souls tanked.
J: No - daemon. With an A. It's like a talking pet. Like… Mister Ed. C3P0. That sort of thing. It's great comedy relief.
H: OK. I dig. Go on.
J: And they're engaged in this life-and-death struggle with the Church. It's really exciting. There's Zeppelins and warrior hordes and those hot witches I told you about and…
H: Struggle? Against the Church?
J: Yes. They're evil. In the end the kid's mom and dad kill the Angel who's taken over from God. Oh yes, God dies too.
H: (Holds his right hand up) Jim. Watch me. I'm counting off the states where we're not going to be able to open this sucka. You know what I'm sayin'?

And other stuff like that. :-) Great fun. And I'm looking forward to it.

Evangelism?

::grins::

I find this rather uniquely humorous. Something along the lines of, "OMG -- let's actually try to understand and TALK to these people!"

Liberals gather to plumb depths of Christian right

Thanks to Jacob for pointing this out. His commentary is quite good, too.

Finals

Probably won't be posting anything substantial anywhere over the next few days. Finals and final papers are in full swing right now. History exam in 18 hours, English paper due on Monday (which I still have to write), English exam on Tuesday, Spanish exam on Tuesday, Constitution take-home exam due on Wednesday (which will not get written until Tuesday night -- YAY SOLID DAYS OF ALL NIGHTERS!)

But my piano jury went well today. So life is good until I realize just how much I need to know for the history exam.

And, as an added bonus, my species counterpoint books arrived today!